Looney Toons, Pirates and The Utrera Band: The Real 3 Kings

Peace and quiet... I've almost forgotten what you're like, it's been so long.  Nights are when I long for you the most, especially around 10pm when the Utrera band starts practicing.  Some people may welcome the presence of blaring trumpets and smashing drums as they are drifting off to sleep, but alas, I am not one of those people.  When we first got to Spain (just over a year ago!  Happy anniversary to us!), we laughed off the "music" that played outside our bedroom window as some (pretty awful sounding) high school band practicing for a competition.  We then found out that it wasn't a high school, but rather an "hermanidad", a brotherhood devoted to different churches throughout Utrera.  Each hermanidad band leads that church's procession during Semana Santa.  Despite me knowing that there are in fact MANY Utrera bands, I still call the one nearest and dearest to my window "The Utrera Band".  With the new knowledge of Semana Santa, we became more forgiving of the screeching.... It's in devotion of the church and their sacred image, so I couldn't fault them for wanting to sound, um, perfect.  Plus, if it was supposed to be for Semana Santa, then it would end right after Semana Santa, right? WRONG.  Elliot and I nestled into our beds the night after Easter, expecting our first quiet weeknight (thank God they don't practice on the weekends) evening since we arrived in Europe, when BAM!  A screeching trumpet that sounded like Scuttle from the Little Mermaid singing started, and the band was back in action.... and thus continued in action.... throughout the spring....summer....fall..... and now winter.  Before I learned that after Semana Santa they started practicing for THREE KINGS DAY IN JANUARY, I became even more agitated with their playing, as their set list included the Looney Toons and Pirates of the Caribbean themes.  "What the hell do these songs have to do with the Virgin Mary or the Passion of Christ????!!!", I would mutter in a very non-Christian tone and voice.  While I still wasn't thrilled about having my sleep delayed.... again, I gave it up for the "poor souls in Purgatory", as my mother always says.

Most of the Spanish holidays are associated with the Catholic Church, "holy days of obligation" as us Catholics call them, but arguably the most loved is the Three Kings holiday.  The Spanish celebrate Christmas as the birth of Jesus, but they do not give gifts until the Epiphany (Three Kings) on January 6th.  The night before, there are huge parades through the streets of every Spanish town.  Not only did we want to be a part of the festivities in Utrera, we wanted to see this damn band in action.

The 3 Kings Parade was supposed to begin that Thursday night at 5:30 down at our end of the Paseo.  They were going to start in the Feria grounds and weave through the streets towards the main city plaza.  Elliot and I decided to wait until it got a little bit darker to head out, as we had been advised ahead of time that floats would be lit up.  Because I occasionally like shiny, sparkly things, we ended up leaving our house about 10 after 6.  Already the Paseo was littered with confetti string and squished candy, so we hustled our way towards the Paseo end and caught the tail end of the parade.  Determined and panicky that we had missed the whole damn thing, we squeezed through the crowds of people attempting to catch goodies and speed walked our way to the main plaza.  After waiting on the side of the main street in the plaza for a bit, we realized that we had plenty of time to kill and grabbed a drink in a nearby cafe.  I had a glass of the sweetest white wine I've ever tasted, and El had his favorite Spanish drink:  Legendario and Coke.  I'll tell ya, having an embargo against Cuba may have been one of the dumbest things we've ever done.  There are so many awesome Cuban things that aren't even available to Americans:  cigars, rum, cocaine... JK on the last one.  But seriously, the rum alone is enough to mend any harsh feelings over that whole Missile Crisis thang.  The Spanish have no such embargo, so we get to enjoy all good Cuban things while we're here, including Legendario rum.  I am not a liquor fan, and I really am not a rum fan, but I actually enjoy a Legendario and Coke.  It's much sweeter and smoother than other rums.  Unless Fidel and Raul decide to embrace capitalism, or the US decides to stop being a stick in the mud, looks like you'll have to visit us in Spain to try it...

Dave Varner and his wife, Stephanie, met us in the cafe, and we noticed that people were drinking some clear liquid on the rocks.  Elliot and I had noticed it at The Veo earlier in the week, when it was in a bottle labeled "Flor de Utrera" (the flower of Utrera).  Turns out it's Anise liquor, and it's a Utrera speciality.  Yep, anise.  Like the oil.  Like the flavor that my mom puts in her pizzelles.  You want something to put hair on your chest?  Try anise liquor.  You'll be looking like Gaston after one bottle.

After trying a taste and having my forearms grow huge and my pipe twirl around in a circle, we all figured the parade would be coming by any minute now.  We headed outside, bought some street kettle corn, and waited.  And waited some more.  About an hour later (and 2 hrs after we rushed to the plaza so not to miss the parade), the crowd finally started gathering around the street.  We could hear the music of the approaching floats, and the elbows from the crowd confirmed that the parade was upon us.

From what I gathered, each hermanidad sponsors a float, and their band provides the music for the float's procession.  It's fairly obvious that they are trying to outdo one another with the size of their... ahem... floats, as each one is more elaborate and decorated than the last.  All pulled by tractors, some floats are staffed by groups of children, others groups of adults.  Like back in the States, the floats have a certain theme to them.  There is a float for each of the three kings, one for Santa and his elves, a float that was just filled with Christmas trees decorated in red lights, another had can-can girls throwing out gifts and one was filled with giant, lit-up snowflakes.  The goodies they throw from the floats aren't just the standard generic candies wrapped in red-colored cellophane.  As we were walking towards the center earlier, a woman squealed when she opened the plastic bag she caught and found a dress.  A DRESS!  From a parade float!  I then became determined to get a dress.  Sure, there were candies thrown; you know, the kinds that are like fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls (so damn good).  But there were also Barbie dolls, soccer balls, inner-tubes (random), inflatable toys, bags of chips and cookies and all sorts of other random items.  Shouts of "Aqui! Aqui!" (Here! Here!) cut through the air, and some minor shoving in the crowds occurred as people scrambled to get these kick-ass parade goodies.  Elliot caught this inflatable arm thing that we gave to a little Spanish girl, but when a COOKBOOK came our way we weren't so generous.  That sucker was mine!  Yes, I, Courtney Farrell Brouse, caught a cookbook at a parade.  SCORE.

While the shoving was a bit annoying, and there was this guy next to us who was just a BITCH to the float riders, the real danger came from the arms of the float-people.  When they loaded those hard candies in their hands, their arms became cannons.  I got nailed right between the eyes with one of the Tootsie rolls, and afterwards I would wince every time I'd see one of the float-people wind up.  A little boy on one of the floats clearly saw the opportunity in this, and he'd break into an Anderson Cooper style giggle fit anytime he nailed someone in the crowd in the head.  Varner decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, and chucked one of the candies right back at him.  This only seemed to encourage him more, as now he was determined to nail Varner.  Fortunately for all of us, the tractor pulled the float away before we all died a sweet, sticky death.

The real excitement came when we heard some familiar notes blasted on a shrill trumpet:  The Utrera Band had entered the parade route.  After their warm-up song of the P.O.T.C theme, they immediately went into the song that we had practically memorized after hearing it at 10pm so many sleepless nights.  Instead of inciting the normal cringes from us, Elliot and I started dancing along to the beat as they went by.  I'm also pretty sure I yelled out, "This is my jam!" as 15th Century themed costumed trumpeters and drummers made their way passed us.  I have to say, the constant practicing helped them not sound so awful.  Plus, when it comes to the Utrera Band, the best advice is:  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.