Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I'm a firm believer that you never stop learning, and you never stop growing as a person. Your character isn't set in stone, and you always have the opportunity to better yourself. Every phase of my life has matured me in different ways: college taught me independence and self-reliance, teaching taught me how to be more patient and honest, marriage taught me compromise and how to rely on someone as a partner, and living in Spain has taught me how to be myself.
I may have been 26 years old when we moved here, but there was still a lot that I didn't know about myself. For instance, I didn't know that I was a good writer. Sure, I wrote a few masterpieces in Kindergarten ("The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile", anyone?) and a few good speeches here and there, but I never realized that people actually enjoy reading my words until I started keeping this blog. As cliche as it sounds, writing allows me to truly express myself and bring people entertainment. I am very proud of my blog; what's more important is that I'm proud of myself, and why wouldn't I continue to do something that makes me proud? I am grateful that living here has taught me that I possess undiscovered talents, and I plan on pursuing them further.
While here, I also saw different sides of myself. I saw that I can be extremely patient, generous, organized, kind, and strong. I challenged myself to always mean what I say, and I am proud that I could be relied on by people on base. When I made plans or promised to do something, I kept my word; no more flaking for me. I learned that I make a dang good Secretary, and that I possess management skills I didn't even know I had!
I also unfortunately saw parts of me that weren't so great: I saw that I could be homesick and negative. Although the negativity didn't last too long (See New Year's Resolution), it still managed to sneak up on me. I also don't think it helped that I was missing America and all the comforts of home. I am proud, however, that I was able to catch the negativity in plenty of time to enjoy living in Spain.
I also didn't know that I would struggle so much with being myself. I'd always been able to fall into sync with whatever situation I was in, and I never was one to worry about fitting in. That never bothered me before, but I really wanted to make a good impression in Spain. Being a flight commander's wife added more to my anxiety: I felt like I always needed to be "on" and walking a tight-rope of being myself and being overly "nice". I had this notion that I needed to act a certain way to be a good "officer's wife" and being myself didn't seem part of the plan. I felt like I had to limit my natural sarcasm, tone down the crazy and always be described as "Oh, she's so nice!" Crazy, I know, but I was new to this whole military game and hadn't been in a situation to make a good impression in a long time.
Needless to say, I was pretty unhappy the first few months we was here. Sure, we were doing a lot of traveling and meeting a lot of new people, but I still felt like I didn't fit in. It's a constant struggle not to be yourself; it really goes against nature to not do what feels most comfortable. Combine that with worrying about what people thought of me, and you have a Courtney that now seems unrecognizable. Here I am, with a great husband and living in Europe, and I'm worrying what people think of me. Lame.
Things changed for several reasons. First off, my bomb-diggity of a hubs brought it to my attention that I hadn't seemed like myself, and that I shouldn't give a crap about what people think about me. As long as I wasn't a complete a-hole, it didn't matter if people didn't like me. In fact, it was their loss if they didn't. My mom has always preached that to me, but I guess there was never a situation that was so glaringly obvious that I wasn't being me. So I've gotta give some snaps to Mr. Courtney for pointing out to me how I was acting, and how I should get back to what I do best: being me.
The second thing that helped out was adjusting my attitude. It really is amazing what a little bit of positive thinking can do, and I flooded myself with it. I also stopped worrying what a flight commander's wife was "supposed" to look/act/be like. I learned, albeit a bit late, that there's no "one size fits all" magic potion for how to be a military wife. You just treat everyone with respect and compassion; everything else falls into place.
The last reason why things changed for the better is that I met Jessie. I don't know if it was our discussion of hyper-color shirts or what, but she was the first person I met here that I could completely be myself with. It felt good to once again pepper my speech with four-letter words, be sarcastic, and laugh hard at the dumbest shit. Becoming friends with Jessie made me realize that the greatest impact I could have on this base was to be myself. Once I realized that, the flood gates opened and I became close friends with so many wonderful people who didn't give a shit if I drank too many rebujitos or could talk about Game of Thrones until I was blue in the face. Never again will I worry about what people think of me, and I certainly will never be anything but me. It's too much work, and a hell of a lot less fun.
I've had some amazing, bizarre, and amazingly bizarre times while here. I've been all over the continent, drank some good beers and ate some great food, and I learned that I can grow a mean pair of cajones when I come face to face with a bull. I have friends who mean the world to me (Tit Tour!!!!). I have confidence. I have strength. I have become a better person. I also have a future that is bright and worthy of some kick-ass blog posts.....
I may have been 26 years old when we moved here, but there was still a lot that I didn't know about myself. For instance, I didn't know that I was a good writer. Sure, I wrote a few masterpieces in Kindergarten ("The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile", anyone?) and a few good speeches here and there, but I never realized that people actually enjoy reading my words until I started keeping this blog. As cliche as it sounds, writing allows me to truly express myself and bring people entertainment. I am very proud of my blog; what's more important is that I'm proud of myself, and why wouldn't I continue to do something that makes me proud? I am grateful that living here has taught me that I possess undiscovered talents, and I plan on pursuing them further.
While here, I also saw different sides of myself. I saw that I can be extremely patient, generous, organized, kind, and strong. I challenged myself to always mean what I say, and I am proud that I could be relied on by people on base. When I made plans or promised to do something, I kept my word; no more flaking for me. I learned that I make a dang good Secretary, and that I possess management skills I didn't even know I had!
I also unfortunately saw parts of me that weren't so great: I saw that I could be homesick and negative. Although the negativity didn't last too long (See New Year's Resolution), it still managed to sneak up on me. I also don't think it helped that I was missing America and all the comforts of home. I am proud, however, that I was able to catch the negativity in plenty of time to enjoy living in Spain.
I also didn't know that I would struggle so much with being myself. I'd always been able to fall into sync with whatever situation I was in, and I never was one to worry about fitting in. That never bothered me before, but I really wanted to make a good impression in Spain. Being a flight commander's wife added more to my anxiety: I felt like I always needed to be "on" and walking a tight-rope of being myself and being overly "nice". I had this notion that I needed to act a certain way to be a good "officer's wife" and being myself didn't seem part of the plan. I felt like I had to limit my natural sarcasm, tone down the crazy and always be described as "Oh, she's so nice!" Crazy, I know, but I was new to this whole military game and hadn't been in a situation to make a good impression in a long time.
Needless to say, I was pretty unhappy the first few months we was here. Sure, we were doing a lot of traveling and meeting a lot of new people, but I still felt like I didn't fit in. It's a constant struggle not to be yourself; it really goes against nature to not do what feels most comfortable. Combine that with worrying about what people thought of me, and you have a Courtney that now seems unrecognizable. Here I am, with a great husband and living in Europe, and I'm worrying what people think of me. Lame.
Things changed for several reasons. First off, my bomb-diggity of a hubs brought it to my attention that I hadn't seemed like myself, and that I shouldn't give a crap about what people think about me. As long as I wasn't a complete a-hole, it didn't matter if people didn't like me. In fact, it was their loss if they didn't. My mom has always preached that to me, but I guess there was never a situation that was so glaringly obvious that I wasn't being me. So I've gotta give some snaps to Mr. Courtney for pointing out to me how I was acting, and how I should get back to what I do best: being me.
The second thing that helped out was adjusting my attitude. It really is amazing what a little bit of positive thinking can do, and I flooded myself with it. I also stopped worrying what a flight commander's wife was "supposed" to look/act/be like. I learned, albeit a bit late, that there's no "one size fits all" magic potion for how to be a military wife. You just treat everyone with respect and compassion; everything else falls into place.
The last reason why things changed for the better is that I met Jessie. I don't know if it was our discussion of hyper-color shirts or what, but she was the first person I met here that I could completely be myself with. It felt good to once again pepper my speech with four-letter words, be sarcastic, and laugh hard at the dumbest shit. Becoming friends with Jessie made me realize that the greatest impact I could have on this base was to be myself. Once I realized that, the flood gates opened and I became close friends with so many wonderful people who didn't give a shit if I drank too many rebujitos or could talk about Game of Thrones until I was blue in the face. Never again will I worry about what people think of me, and I certainly will never be anything but me. It's too much work, and a hell of a lot less fun.
I've had some amazing, bizarre, and amazingly bizarre times while here. I've been all over the continent, drank some good beers and ate some great food, and I learned that I can grow a mean pair of cajones when I come face to face with a bull. I have friends who mean the world to me (Tit Tour!!!!). I have confidence. I have strength. I have become a better person. I also have a future that is bright and worthy of some kick-ass blog posts.....
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