Lewis and Clark, Batman and Robin, Courtney and Elliot

Friday, March 15, 2013

Bears....Ditka....Polish Sausage

I suppose the only time to talk about the birthplace of a pope is after a NEW pope is chosen.  Despite all the pomp and circumstance that goes with the papal conclave, I can't help but think that this was how it went down:  We have a new pope!

After our glorious time in freezing cold Norway, El and I woke up before the crack of dawn was even a wink in its parent's eye.  That's 3am for people who actually get to sleep past that time.  We checked out of our hotel and walked (in the snow of course) to the train station to get the hour bus back to the airport.  After getting frisked by the airport security guy (who was a bit handsier than I think he needed to be.  Aces.), we slept the entire flight to Krakow.  Looking around the plane, it seemed like everyone looked similar:  tall, blonde folks built like a brick shit house (even the women).  Guess the snow and vodka make people intimidating.

As we were landing over a bleak, depressing, drizzly city that was lined with run-down ghettos, Elliot leans over me to look out the window and says "Vaht a beautiful day" in a poor Eastern European accent.  Fitting.

Our trip to Poland could have easily been nicknamed "The JPII trip", as every corner you turned you were reminded that John Paul II was from Krakow.  The whimsical journey started with the airport, as we landed at John Paul II Airport.  From then on, every souvenir shop would carry prayer cards with the Pope's image, little statues of him, full-sized statues of him, and people dressed as him on the streets (Okay that didn't really happen, but I may have hallucinated that after seeing his face everywhere).

We were planning on going to Auschwitz while there, and the train schedule didn't match up with when we were able to go, so we rented a car to get us there.  It was pretty damn cheap, and I don't know how much I would have trusted a Polish cab driver (especially after our experiences with Romanian ones).  The airport was super close to the city center, and despite a super slushy and wet drive, we made it to our hotel in one piece.  Unfortunately for us, we weren't able to check in right away (it was like 8 am after all), but the front desk of our hotel let us keep our baggage there while we explored the city.  Our little boutique hotel (it reminded me of a starving artists' loft in Brooklyn) was RIGHT in the middle of Old Town Square, and the main plaza was just around the corner from where we were staying.

The Square was incredibly charming and filled with wooden stalls set up for the Christmas market about to reopen for the day.  Like any European plaza, there was a city hall that had a thoroughfare lined with stalls of people selling amber jewelry, the Church of St. Mary's that loomed higher than the rest of the square's buildings, a huge statue in the center and, of course, throngs of people strolling throughout the area.  Despite it being Christmas Eve, and me having read that EVERYTHING was closed on Christmas Eve and Day, there were a TON of people walking around, getting last minute Christmas gifts.



I think I underestimated the gorgeous Polish weather, because my sweater boots couldn't hold up in the gloomy slush, and we had to go back to the hotel about 10 minutes after we left so I could change boots and socks.  Wha wha whaaaaaa.  After my toes were once again dry, El and I stopped in a cafe and had a gingerbread mocha and some breakfast.  Although the cafe was smack dab in the middle of the most touristy square in Krakow, our breakfast and drinks were super cheap (especially compared to Oslo).  Gotta love that exchange rate!

After breakfast we saw that the stalls were opening up, so we passed through and picked up some of the famous Polish pottery, some scarves for El and a Polska t-shirt that turned out to be in the shape of a square after we opened it back in the hotel.  I was pretty taken by the amber that was engraved with silhouettes and words, but after Oslo we weren't exactly willing to drop quite a massive dime on more bling.  Besides, I have enough 2 euro necklaces to keep me decked out for quite some time.

El and I stopped by a cellar brewery to grab a beer before heading back out to explore Krakow, and it was like walking back in time to a pub from the 1500's.  The walls were lined with glass cases of hundreds of beer glasses and bottles of every type of old timey liquor and beer signs.  We were so impressed by this place that we ended up stopping back there twice more before we left, including once to have lunch.  Lemme tell ya that this place was the shiii-iiit.  Following our rest break, we stopped by the Krakow Tourist Center and found a flyer for the ongoing Nativity "castle" exhibition around the corner.  For one euro, we started off the exhibition watching an introductory video that was all in Polish and so boring that Elliot fell asleep.  From what I could gather, the video was about an unfortunate looking family that made traditional Polish nativity castles.  Given that the only Polish I speak is sausage, we obviously didn't pick up any castle making tricks.  After the video though, we got to stroll through the gallery and were blown away by all the different styles and interpretations of the nativity castle.  Everything was so gorgeous and detailed that they just blew our minds.  Definitely worth the price of admission (and then some).





We saw smoke arising from back in the square, so we followed our noses to a street meat stall that had more than one line at it.  Everything looks amazing, and we were starving at this point, so we gorged something massive.  I had this sauerkraut stew called bigos, El had a Kielbasa on a roll, and we split an order of mushroom and cabbage pierogis.  The air around us would later on be fetid, and our stomachs didn't exactly feel glorious, but HOLY HELL WAS IT GOOD.  It was so good that we went back for more the next day.  Gluttons for punishment, we are.





After a snooze back at our Brooklyn lofty hotel, it was twilight and the city started to look like a ghost town.  I had read that on Christmas Eve everyone from the city heads out to visit their family in rural Krakow for a 12 course Christmas meal.  Since it was so quiet, we walked around Wawel Castle and Cathedral and were able to get some unbelievable pictures with the new camera.





Oh, that reminds me, I forgot to mention that I WON that camera in a horrific display of tomfoolery that I participated in called a dance off.  If you'd like your eyes to bleed, please check out the video.

I may not have moves, but DAMN did I get a great camera out of the deal.  ::Raises the roof to myself::

The Internets weren't kidding about so many restaurants being closed on Christmas Eve, and it was hard to find one that was a) open and b) not packed to the brim.  We decided to have Italian food that night, since it's a Farrell fam tradition to have spaghetti and meatballs by the fireplace on Christmas Eve.  Besides it was the only place open.  Portabella's was run by this Mama Polska and her son who spoke enough English that we could get by.  We got seated next to a rowdy group of Estonians who kept claiming to the British couple next to us that "Oh, you have to see Tallinn!  This place is nothing compared to Tallinn!"  El and I kept making faces at each other because Tallinn wasn't exactly the most thrilling place on our cruise stop.  Keep on dreamin', Estonians, keep on dreamin.

We split this massive bruschetta (sadly not as massive as my frisbee one in Vicenza), and El had a bowl of cream of broccoli soup and lasagna while I took down this ribbon pasta with olive oil, arugula and sun-dried tomatoes.  The older I get, the more I like pastas with olive oil compared to tomato sauce.  Yep, I'm fancy.  Everything was really good, and El and I waddled back to our hotel and crashed in a happy daze of gluttony.

The next morning we woke up to the laughing of children, the sound of sleigh bells, frost on the window, and carols being sung throughout the streets.  Just kidding.  We started our Christmas day by waking up to two Polish women arguing outside our door.  wesołych Świąt?

After swapping some Christmas gifts that could fit in our luggage, we had breakfast at a cafe in the square that was open before walking through the Christmas market and souvenir shops that were not only open but bustling like it was nobody's business.  We couldn't get over how busy the streets were!  We were expecting a ghost town, but it seemed that everyone was out and about enjoying the first decent weather day in what I expect was a long time.  We decided to take the St. Stanislaw's walking tour that took us around to different historical spots of Krakow, including a fountain that encouraged visitors to drink from its water.  We took one look at the water in the fountain and quickly moved to the next spot.  There was no way that we were taking a sip of liquid dysentary to celebrate Christmas.  We walked back to Wawel Castle and climbed to the top near the Cathedral to get a view of the city below us.  Unfortunately the Cathedral was closed to visitors, and so was the DRAGON'S LAIR.  That's right, there was a spot labeled the dragon's lair!  Khaleesi would have been proud.

Although I couldn't pretend to be the mother of dragons, we still enjoyed reading about the legend of the Wawel dragon.  According to myth, there once was a terrible dragon that destroyed the Polish countryside and required a virgin sacrifice (why does it always have to be a virgin sacrifice?  I'm looking at you Minotaur!) once a month to avoid the complete destruction of Krakow.  The king promised his daughter's hand in marriage to anyone who could destroy the dragon (again a familiar theme), so a cobbler's apprentice exploded sulfur at the mouth of the dragon's cave.  The dragon became so thirsty that he drank the Vistula River until he exploded, and he and the princess lived happily ever after.  The end.



We kept walking across the river through a questionable industrial area to get to the (unfortunately closed) Schindler factory.  It really is unreal to be able to have seen all these places of historical significance, no matter how sad a history they represent.  While walking back to the square along the river, we saw a statue of a hog-tied pig float past us on a wooden raft.  If there was a "WTF?" moment of the trip, that was certainly it.  Scratching our heads, we took a tram the rest of the way back to the Old Town Square.

After indulging in more bigos and street meat, we went back to the hotel and Skyped with our families and watched The Mummy and Raiders of the Lost Ark before getting ready for dinner.  I had researched open restaurants ahead of time, and we found one nearby called Wierzynek 1386, which was named for a royal feast in that year that supposedly lasted over 100 days.  Despite the white-gloved service and silver platters (I felt a little under dressed in my jeans), the exchange rate benefited us again and we had a meal fit for kings for about what you'd pay at the Cheesecake Factory.  We had a bottle of Polish red wine (that stained my teeth so badly that I looked like a pirate), goat cheese with basil sauce, amazeballs pierogis with mushrooms and cabbage, this cold marinated sirloin salad with honey mustard dressing, this HOLY HELL GOOD mushroom soup with bacon, and fillet in red wine sauce with potato cakes and creamed spinach.  In a word:  delicious.  To top off our Polish Christmas dinner, we got a sampler of Polish vodka, plum, cherry and fruit liquors for "dessert".  The plum one was 63% booze, so I let Elliot try that one.  He took one sip, made a gasping noise, and put the rest of it back on the table.  No thanks, Polskis.  The restaurant was decorated with paintings by a local artists named Setowski whose work we immediately loved.  We tried in vain to find prints of his art, but it looks like you need to cough up over 1,000 euros to buy an original.  Maybe next time.....

We ventured back towards the Wawel area and took in the sights of all the women decked out in floor-length furs and muffs.  PETA would have a shit fit in Krakow.  We each had a Polish Zywiec beer at a bar called The Bull Pub before heading back to the hotel for our Christmas slumber.

On our last morning in Krakow we had breakfast in the Old Town Cafe and strolled around town, trying to stop in a Polish soccer store for El that we had to visit FOUR times before it was actually open (it said it would be open like at three different times only not to be).  The Christmas markets were still going strong, and there were even more people in the streets before we checked out of our hotel and hit the road to visit Auschwitz.

On our way we heard a new Shaggy song that was actually really good (Shaggy's still around?) and that fucking Last Christmas song 5 times in forty-five minutes.  Everyone has a list of Christmas songs that they hate (Christmas Eve in Washington, anyone?), and that one is near the top of the list.  Why do radio stations continue to play that atrocity?

The depressing weather was a perfect setting for the sobering experience of visiting Auschwitz.  Located about forty-five minutes from Krakow proper, it is set in the middle of a small Polish town and its presence is announced only by small signs on the sides of the road leading to it.

Our time at Auschwitz was a sobering one, and we spent almost our entire three hours there in silence, only breaking it to comment about the horrible things that happened there.  The camp was basically left as was, and there are exhibits set up in the former barracks.  Barracks were labeled by country, and there was one barrack that was labeled "Material Evidence".  Elliot commented that it was sad that there needed to be an evidence section to PROVE to ignorant people that the Holocaust even happened.  That barrack in particular made the biggest impact, as it was filled with the shoes, glasses, luggage, and the human hair of the people who filled the camp.  The personal connection to the individual was very powerful, and there were photos of individual prisoners that lined the walls of each barrack.  While there, we also we saw the prison cell in the punishment barrack where St. Maximilian Kolbe starved to death after offering his life for another prisoner's.  There were placards set up throughout the camp that offered historical information, and despite having taken many US history classes between the two of us, we still learned quite a bit from our time there.  Certainly a worthwhile experience.

Our flight out of Krakow wasn't until 7pm, so we went back to our favorite pub for a late lunch of creamy onion soup with Parmesan and croutons that surprisingly (despite its description) was nothing like French onion soup.  We also had a potato pancake with mushroom sauce that was so heavy but good.  After lunch, we headed back to the airport through these terrifying rural roads that the GPS led us to but still managed to make our flight in no time.  After a delayed flight, we landed in Rygge and took a cab to the "only hotel" in nearby Moss (we passed like 5 on the way).  Although Moss was an hour from Oslo proper, the little fishing town on a fjord was bumping and we had a beautiful view from our room of lit up trees and the church.  On our drive through the town, I noticed that every household had candle lights in their windows, assuming that its a Norwegian tradition.  We laughed at the little bar across from our small hotel that was PACKED for a Tuesday night.  When in Norway?

Our last trip together (for now!) in Europe was quite the Odyssey of traveling:  2 hour drive to Malaga, four hour flight to Oslo, hour bus ride to Oslo proper, two hour flight to Krakow, one hour drive to Auschwitz, 2 hour flight back to Oslo, 4 hour flight back to Malaga and a 2 hour drive back home to Utrera.  We may not have fought Polyphemus in our travels, but we had a hell of an European send-off.....

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